Have you ever wondered what goes into the creative process of your favourite television show? Shum Dumb is the first podcast following 3 friends writing a television show about a 16 year old talking Bong and his best friend from scratch with nothing but pure will and 2.5 grams of psilocybin mushrooms. Yes, we take magic mushrooms and answer the age old question, is everything funnier when you are on mushrooms or are you actually funnier. *Disclaimer: we have no creative background in content creation, we are just three friends who think we are really funny. 2 year hiatus, we back baby. Enjoy Episode 4.
Have you ever wondered what goes into the creative process of your favourite television show? Shum Dumb is the first podcast following 3 friends writing a television show about a 16 year old talking Bong and his best friend from scratch with nothing but pure will and 2.5 grams of psilocybin mushrooms. Yes, we take magic mushrooms and answer the age old question, is everything funnier when you are on mushrooms or are you actually funnier. *Disclaimer: we have no creative background in content creation, we are just three friends who think we are really funny. 2 year hiatus, we back baby. Enjoy Episode 4.
[0:00:00] Marty: I don't know if we can be sensitive. I think we need to just say jokes. Like, we can't start filtering what's okay and what's not okay.
[0:00:06] Marty: No, I don't want to do that. That's not what our audience wants from us.
[0:00:09] Marty: Stepdad rape jokes are funny. I want caps and stems caps and stems caps and stems sims. I want Captain Sims, bitch, I'm munching gold tops with those blue veins I ate 4 grams now I'm going insane I'm tripping on the ground and I lost my pants I'm so fucking high hell no, I can't dance I pull out my phone and my screen starts wiggling titties in my face fucking right.
[0:00:45] Marty: They be jiggling I'm cracking fucking beers.
[0:00:47] Marty: But the bone of shit and I'm.
[0:00:48] Marty: So fucking high that I can't feel my day.
[0:00:51] Marty: All right, great. All right, we're back in it, boys.
[0:00:53] Marty: We start recording this.
[0:00:55] Marty: Recording?
[0:00:57] Marty: Oh, it's already started.
[0:00:58] Marty: It started.
[0:00:59] Marty: We're in it. Let me grab my bordeaux.
[0:01:03] Marty: All right.
[0:01:03] Marty: Cheers, boys.
[0:01:04] Marty: Cheers.
[0:01:04] Marty: Cheers.
[0:01:05] Marty: We're doing it again.
[0:01:05] Marty: We're drinking wine.
[0:01:06] Marty: This is the classiest.
[0:01:07] Marty: We're grown ups now.
[0:01:08] Marty: We've evolved.
[0:01:09] Marty: Yes. Almost 40. Still doing this. Okay, easy with that almost.
[0:01:14] Marty: We're not all shit. I'm not even 35.
[0:01:16] Marty: Trying to remain a little bit anonymous.
[0:01:20] Marty: I'm a 16 year old boy. I keep getting invited to do drugs lot. These weird condos.
[0:01:26] Marty: Lots of people that aren't 35 yet. Okay, well, I guess we have to.
[0:01:32] Marty: Start eating mushrooms now.
[0:01:33] Marty: Yeah, we do. But I'd like to thank the fans that have supported us through this time. And Instagram tried to cancel us. Our podcast sponsor got rid of us because my credit card changed, so they really tried to hold us down here, but we're coming back with a vengeance. I think we're going to do a two parter today. Two scripts, two years.
[0:01:51] Marty: No one told me that.
[0:01:54] Marty: So probably go back into the mushroom bag a few times, but cheers, boys.
[0:01:59] Marty: All right.
[0:02:00] Marty: Can't wait for you guys to read what I wrote two years ago. Awesome.
[0:02:03] Marty: Let's touch your tiers.
[0:02:04] Marty: It sucks you guys have to work tomorrow.
[0:02:07] Marty: Sure does. I forgot about the crackle. Oh, that's fucking gross. That old.
[0:02:18] Marty: Big peas.
[0:02:18] Marty: Yeah. It doesn't taste like a mushroom.
[0:02:21] Marty: These are probably old.
[0:02:22] Marty: Yeah, these are very old. Should have just done the bag of dust that I had, which is equally.
[0:02:28] Marty: As old and just dust.
[0:02:29] Marty: Yeah, it's been in my fridge for three years.
[0:02:31] Marty: Do we have to eat twice as much because it's aged and lost its potency?
[0:02:36] Marty: I don't see the problem with the logic there.
[0:02:45] Marty: I forgot how shitty they are.
[0:02:46] Marty: Yeah, I know. It's never a nice taste. Except for those ones in Jamaica. Those were amazing.
[0:02:51] Marty: They're fucking amazing.
[0:02:53] Marty: Fresh.
[0:02:54] Marty: Just because they were fresh.
[0:02:55] Marty: So tasty.
[0:02:56] Marty: They weren't, like, crunchy, dusty and getting stuck in your teeth. I have one stuck in my tooth right now. It's really fucking me up. Not a fan.
[0:03:07] Marty: Well, just to give some updates on Shamdum. I wrote a beautiful pitch deck, sent it to a producer and he told me it was too fucked to get made. Yeah, that part was disappointing. I don't know who to sell this to.
[0:03:23] Marty: I got to say I kind of agree with it.
[0:03:31] Marty: Heartbreaking news.
[0:03:33] Marty: Yeah.
[0:03:34] Marty: Really thought we were going to be the next Netflix special there, man.
[0:03:38] Marty: There's way shittier shows on Netflix.
[0:03:41] Marty: Yeah.
[0:03:45] Marty: It'S true. I mean, Hoops, that show was shit. I liked it one season, though.
[0:03:49] Marty: Yeah, but it was good.
[0:03:51] Marty: I didn't really like it too much.
[0:03:52] Marty: Boys.
[0:03:52] Marty: The wine is nice.
[0:03:53] Marty: It is. They're in the beer.
[0:03:54] Marty: Yeah.
[0:03:55] Marty: Nice change, isn't it?
[0:03:57] Marty: It really helps to get rid of the wood flavor in my mouth.
[0:04:03] Marty: So, I mean, we'll wait a little bit until we get in there. I have two episodes. The Medam Slam 4000 just kind of basing the Madame Slam.
[0:04:14] Marty: Is that another sex robot thing?
[0:04:15] Marty: It's a sex bot, yeah.
[0:04:17] Marty: Okay, cool.
[0:04:18] Marty: The dialogue is kind of shitty, but I don't know, there's some funny jokes in there. I just kind of sat there and typed shit out. So it might be weird, it might be awkward. I don't know.
[0:04:27] Marty: Did you proofread it?
[0:04:28] Marty: I didn't proof read it. I just left it as is.
[0:04:30] Marty: Are we still focusing on the bong character in school or we kind of surpass that now we're just on this fucked up, weird uncle killing people?
[0:04:41] Marty: That's part of it. Bong is always involved. Chris and Marty are always there. Okay. The log line. When a walking, talking teenage bong and his best friend navigate their hormone ridden bodies through high school, their typical coming of age story is constantly derailed through the advice.
[0:05:01] Marty: How did you spell coming?
[0:05:03] Marty: With a C and a U.
[0:05:05] Marty: Perfect.
[0:05:07] Marty: It's a coming of age story. It's American pie. It's fucking porky's. What are other shows like in that era?
[0:05:16] Marty: So what's different about how a bong comes of age versus others? How does puberty affect a bong?
[0:05:24] Marty: In the same way.
[0:05:25] Marty: Are you sure? I feel like the anatomy is very different.
[0:05:29] Marty: Just a boy. That's all he is. The entire concept of it is fucking retarded. But hold on.
[0:05:38] Marty: Convincing us to do it, I think is also pretty wild.
[0:05:44] Marty: Okay, so Marty is the influencer, not the influencer. Let me just read this. I think it'll really bring things together for you guys. He's never the one with the ideas. He's the one who follows. He's a good kid trying to navigate.
[0:05:57] Marty: Around the crazy that would make influenced.
[0:06:01] Marty: Yes, he's the influenced, not the influencer.
[0:06:03] Marty: Got it. Okay.
[0:06:05] Marty: So he comes from loving home, strong moral values. Puberty is a demon that overshadows all of his final decisions. So Marty starts off with the best intentions. But from the persuasion of Uncle Rob and his best friend Chris, he always seems to get himself into trouble.
[0:06:20] Marty: Are we sure we want to demonize puberty like puberty is pretty cool when.
[0:06:23] Marty: You think of pubes.
[0:06:26] Marty: Yeah. Stuff gets bigger.
[0:06:28] Marty: Your balls.
[0:06:29] Marty: Yeah, but it also got bigger for me. But that's pretty cool.
[0:06:37] Marty: I wasn't sitting in the forest jerking off to porno Megs when I wasn't going through Beverly. It's a weird time. You guys didn't do that, sit in the wood?
[0:06:49] Marty: I don't think I ever jerked off in the woods.
[0:06:51] Marty: Really?
[0:06:52] Marty: It's pretty cool.
[0:06:55] Marty: We used to have this buddy. I can't remember his name, but his older brother had all the porno Megs. We go over to his house, we get them, and we go to the forest, and we don't individually go into our corners.
[0:07:06] Marty: Way weirder.
[0:07:07] Marty: That's weird. You all took turns facing a different tree, and you're all drinking up. Hold on. Did you each have your own magazine with you, or you each took turns with the same magazine?
[0:07:17] Marty: We had multiple magazines. Yeah, he had a chest full of them.
[0:07:20] Marty: Did you guys trade magazines?
[0:07:22] Marty: Like, was there no one time you're done, you just kind of go home and think about your life?
[0:07:28] Marty: What happens after that?
[0:07:30] Marty: I feel like you can bust more than one nut to a magazine. Yeah.
[0:07:33] Marty: It's the forest, though.
[0:07:35] Marty: Did you then come back together, like, met in the circle? That was great, guys. That was so fun. And then you gave back the magazine, and then you guys all went home.
[0:07:44] Marty: Just a big high, like, with the fun, and go back to class.
[0:07:48] Marty: That seems very weird.
[0:07:50] Marty: I'm telling you, puberty's a weird.
[0:07:52] Marty: I was jerking off in the woods, and then one guy just takes those.
[0:07:55] Marty: Magazines home, take them back to the owner. We're in our magazine.
[0:07:59] Marty: What the fuck are you talking about? That sounds really weird.
[0:08:03] Marty: Damn. Okay. I thought everyone did that.
[0:08:05] Marty: No, definitely. Pretty much no one.
[0:08:10] Marty: My group of friends. Yeah.
[0:08:11] Marty: That is fucking weird.
[0:08:13] Marty: Okay, hold on, hold on. Just circling back to this. Marty is a walking example of a participation trophy. His parents never encourage him to be competitive or upbringing. His mother cauddle them. His father was more authoritarian. So I'm trying to get to the point where this is why he's drawn to Kristen Rob so much. He admires her confidence and presence in a room. Yeah.
[0:08:39] Marty: I don't even talk about how does Marty develop? Does he start as being an influenced person and then maybe, like, at the end of the first season, he starts to find his own shit.
[0:08:51] Marty: Yeah. He's slowly going to start building his confidence. That's the whole point of his character.
[0:08:56] Marty: How do we illustrate that for the fans?
[0:08:59] Marty: Well, we put him in really fucked up scenarios.
[0:09:01] Marty: Like, maybe he's in the woods with his friends, looking at magazine, practicing.
[0:09:09] Marty: Maybe I'd like to do this in my own basement.
[0:09:15] Marty: This is free porn, man. We didn't have it.
[0:09:17] Marty: You definitely have nudity. You had nudie bags. If you had nudie bags, you could fucking take those to your basement instead of the forest?
[0:09:25] Marty: They weren't mine. I couldn't take them home.
[0:09:27] Marty: VHS tapes?
[0:09:29] Marty: Yeah, there were definitely tapes.
[0:09:31] Marty: It's not an easy thing for a kid to get a hold of, though.
[0:09:33] Marty: It's true.
[0:09:34] Marty: I mean, I feel like there were a lot of those fucking Tommy Lee and Pammy tapes floating around.
[0:09:38] Marty: Yeah. This is pre internet, man. You had to go on Kaza or.
[0:09:41] Marty: Now I had a VHS of the fucking Pammy and Tommy shit.
[0:09:46] Marty: Sweet fucking how did you get that? Did you order it?
[0:09:49] Marty: I think it was, like, one of my neighbors dads who had it and stole it and, like, we made a copy.
[0:09:54] Marty: Yeah, see, someone has to do that, right? If you don't have access to it, you can't get it. That's the only problem. Did I have porno? No, not really. Like, my dad had, like, one video cassette I would throw in. There was at that time where you just all sit there and watch porno.
[0:10:11] Marty: I had to learn how to format a hard drive just so I could fix my computer.
[0:10:18] Marty: It's amazing.
[0:10:20] Marty: Sorry, dad. Had to start over again.
[0:10:27] Marty: I'm starting to get a little tingly. It feels nice.
[0:10:30] Marty: Thank you for sharing.
[0:10:32] Marty: Yeah, thank you for sharing that it was very personal and probably very difficult for you to share with the world because of how fucking weird it is, but we really appreciate that.
[0:10:44] Marty: Up to this point, I thought it was totally normal.
[0:10:47] Marty: No, it's definitely not. Kids all in the woods together, jerking off to pour them eggs all the time. That's not a real thing.
[0:10:57] Marty: To you.
[0:10:58] Marty: But I'm just saying that's not happening to all other kids in all the forests. That's not a very common thing.
[0:11:04] Marty: Forest is a weird spot, man. A lot of things went down there.
[0:11:08] Marty: Maybe you should edit out the names of names and places.
[0:11:11] Marty: Yeah, cool. We'll get it out. I got to go through and beat out the names and everything.
[0:11:16] Marty: Pretty easy one to really pinpoint.
[0:11:19] Marty: Yeah, but I know we live there anymore. Anyways, going to go through her school records and find her yearbooks and point out which people do Shroom podcasts.
[0:11:27] Marty: Weird shit on the Internet now, man. You don't know.
[0:11:30] Marty: They sure do. Still remember my first jerk off experience. I felt so guilty. I didn't want to look at anyone. Like everyone knows. I didn't feel okay in the woods.
[0:11:42] Marty: You didn't want to look at everyone else? Like, make eye contact with them?
[0:11:45] Marty: The woods is later.
[0:11:46] Marty: Okay, work your way up to jerking off in the woods for sure.
[0:11:54] Marty: In the wood, maybe in the backyard, and then eventually into the woods.
[0:12:03] Marty: Just started jerking off further and further away from home.
[0:12:07] Marty: Yeah, it's scary when you're a little kid.
[0:12:13] Marty: Well, okay, I'll share a personal story about masturbation. Why not? The way I discovered it, you remember those, like, Digimon toys?
[0:12:21] Marty: They used to hold on like tomagotchi.
[0:12:25] Marty: Kind of no, they had, like, a Digimon series one. We had to shake it and more steps.
[0:12:30] Marty: They were like, kind of tamagotchi. Yeah. You carried it around with you.
[0:12:33] Marty: Yeah, so I wanted it to evolve quicker. So I found my parents back massager, and I figured if I just hold the back massager to this toy, it would make the steps work. And it was working, and I got lazier and lazier and held it.
[0:12:48] Marty: Back massager feel like on my dick.
[0:12:51] Marty: Just holding her right here.
[0:12:52] Marty: I was like, oh, whoa.
[0:12:54] Marty: I was very confused.
[0:12:58] Marty: Please elaborate for the listeners on where exactly you were holding.
[0:13:05] Marty: Over my dick.
[0:13:06] Marty: Cool.
[0:13:07] Marty: It was not my butt, but yeah, I remember my cousins and my aunt came over later, and I felt so fucking guilty. Like, God damn, I was looking. They know what I did.
[0:13:17] Marty: I took my mom's private back massager and put my little baby wiener on it.
[0:13:23] Marty: What did you think your mom used it for? My guess is not her back on it. Yeah, definitely not her back.
[0:13:32] Marty: Never thought about that during the time. They did use it for back massaging.
[0:13:38] Marty: Sure they did. I bet they did. Oh, honey, my backers. Did you come up to the bedroom?
[0:13:45] Marty: Classic line.
[0:13:47] Marty: Yeah, it's a good way to hide a back massager, right?
[0:13:51] Marty: So when you were done using your parents personal physiotherapy tools for your own sexual pleasure, at what point did that start getting old? And at what point did jerking off with other boys in the woods become something that you aspire to do? Where was the transition? I feel like there's some ancestral things being established, and then it quickly changed to weird homo erotic voyeurism. So you clearly have some deep issues here.
[0:14:25] Marty: Let's get them unpacked.
[0:14:31] Marty: When you're done wearing your mom's dresses, what made you want to show your butthole to all your friends?
[0:14:37] Marty: Does it make you feel weird that you had to start basically with power tools?
[0:14:41] Marty: I'm feeling very.
[0:14:46] Marty: Started very aggressively at a young age.
[0:14:49] Marty: Feeling very attacked right now.
[0:14:51] Marty: We're trying to help. We're trying to help.
[0:14:53] Marty: We're trying to dig into the real issues that made you want to start a podcast about a living ball.
[0:14:59] Marty: I'm not saying everything here was clear cut in my brain. It's still a little bit fucked up, but here's our therapy. I'm actually pretty fucking high right now. I feel good.
[0:15:10] Marty: I'm getting there. Yeah, I'm starting to feel a little wiggly.
[0:15:14] Marty: I might need more.
[0:15:16] Marty: Yeah, I may also need more.
[0:15:19] Marty: All right, dabble. Back in the bag, boys.
[0:15:22] Marty: It's too soon to go back to the way.
[0:15:26] Marty: Dangerous time to go back.
[0:15:29] Marty: Don't do it.
[0:15:30] Marty: Got to wait another half hour.
[0:15:33] Marty: No, that's not the rules, man. You just go in. It's one hit. You got one chance at bad advice.
[0:15:39] Marty: For all the fans.
[0:15:40] Marty: Okay, listen, you get one chance at mushrooms. That's it. You take that first big hit. Yeah, I do.
[0:15:45] Marty: I also think that, yeah, you kind of get one shot, you get one crack right at the beginning because it's diminishing returns.
[0:15:52] Marty: Yeah. It just kind of keeps a consistent.
[0:15:55] Marty: I think one time we went through like a whole fucking ounce.
[0:16:01] Marty: Doesn't hit again.
[0:16:02] Marty: Once you blow your load, you can't get it back. True.
[0:16:06] Marty: Yeah, I had one. I did.
[0:16:08] Marty: Serotonin is a fickle mistress did eleven.
[0:16:10] Marty: Or 12 grams one night.
[0:16:12] Marty: What that? Fuck.
[0:16:13] Marty: Yeah, it wasn't hitting and it got weird. It got very weird. I was just like walking down Niagara Falls. I was sitting in the cab and like, oh, Jesus Christ. I thought it was just weird. It was a poor choice.
[0:16:28] Marty: Were you out there trying to find dudes to jerk off with?
[0:16:30] Marty: No.
[0:16:31] Marty: Hey, I got these nudie mags. He wants to find a forest.
[0:16:35] Marty: Like the woods is cool, but on top of a waterfall is way sexier.
[0:16:41] Marty: Especially the lights at night. It's so hot.
[0:16:44] Marty: Like the cool mist just tickling your balls. And then the risk of danger is sexy as well, right?
[0:16:50] Marty: Yeah, danger is sexy.
[0:16:52] Marty: Am I going to try to finish even though I might fall? But that's what's hot.
[0:16:56] Marty: Yeah. Blowing a load into the falls would.
[0:16:58] Marty: Be actually probably top ten majestic loads you could ever blow the most. Yeah, that's the great wonder of the world.
[0:17:06] Marty: I'd say so. Yeah, that'd be a good Planet Earth episode. Yeah.
[0:17:14] Marty: They follow the load. Where does it go?
[0:17:17] Marty: They put down the waterfall and it's.
[0:17:19] Marty: In the bottom and then see where it goes.
[0:17:21] Marty: Then you end up with David attenborough like narrating some salmon who ate it to continue their journey.
[0:17:28] Marty: The young man got on top of the waterfall and exposed their penises into the evening air. They violently begin joking.
[0:17:40] Marty: While trying not.
[0:17:41] Marty: To make eye contact with each other.
[0:17:46] Marty: It's the only rule. No eye contact.
[0:17:51] Marty: Knowing full well none could finish without the eye contact.
[0:17:56] Marty: I'm getting hot. Is it hot in here?
[0:17:58] Marty: No, but maybe it would help if you took your pants off.
[0:18:05] Marty: These pants are hot.
[0:18:06] Marty: They are hot. Maybe cut them into shorts.
[0:18:10] Marty: Definitely cut them. I can give you some scissors.
[0:18:14] Marty: You're too high.
[0:18:14] Marty: We'll do it for you.
[0:18:21] Marty: What are friends for?
[0:18:23] Marty: Cutting each other's pants off.
[0:18:29] Marty: All right, well, is this it or should we start reading maybe?
[0:18:32] Marty: Yeah, sure. Do what we came for.
[0:18:38] Marty: We'll just get into it. Sure.
[0:18:41] Marty: I'm having a good time, but I don't want to lose track of what.
[0:18:45] Marty: We'Re trying to do. It's just 2 hours. Got to somewhat stay focused.
[0:18:54] Marty: Okay. Madame Slam. Yeah, fuck it.
[0:18:56] Marty: Will serve.
[0:18:57] Marty: Pick one. The Madame slam.
[0:18:59] Marty: Four goes to five. Right?
[0:19:01] Marty: Episode four.
[0:19:02] Marty: That's how numbers work.
[0:19:04] Marty: I don't remember. Who the fuck did these voices?
[0:19:08] Marty: It's mostly you.
[0:19:10] Marty: I think I was Chris and you were Marty. I think you were Marty.
[0:19:15] Marty: I think I was all the girls.
[0:19:16] Marty: You definitely want anyone with weird accents, basically.
[0:19:21] Marty: There's an Australian teacher.
[0:19:23] Marty: I think so.
[0:19:24] Marty: It's coming back, boys.
[0:19:25] Marty: It's coming back. Need some fucking sweetness. Yeah.
[0:19:31] Marty: Coffee enemas.
[0:19:35] Marty: There's a coffee enemy coming back, boys.
[0:19:38] Marty: It's coming back. All right, well, shumdum. Episode Four the Madame Slam 4000 the scene opens with a close up of a used condom on the pavement for several seconds and begins to zoom out to reveal the boys staring at it on their way on the on their grounds.
[0:19:58] Marty: On their school grounds. Okay, cool. Chris? That's me.
[0:20:04] Marty: Yep.
[0:20:06] Marty: Do you ever just look at the condom on the floor and think, what's your story?
[0:20:11] Marty: School bell then rings.
[0:20:13] Marty: Ding. Ding. Are you Marty? Are you Marty? Maybe you were Marty.
[0:20:20] Marty: I can be Marty.
[0:20:21] Marty: I don't remember who was Marty.
[0:20:24] Marty: No, I don't. Stop being a dumb ass. We're going to be late for class.
[0:20:28] Marty: As the boys turn around to proceed to walk up their school steps, chris mutters to himself, I bet it was butt stuff.
[0:20:36] Marty: And then the scene cuts, and the boys go and see Cindy at her locker.
[0:20:42] Marty: Cindy's back.
[0:20:43] Marty: All right.
[0:20:44] Marty: She was hot.
[0:20:45] Marty: She was hot. Great. But.
[0:20:50] Marty: This is so fucking stupid.
[0:20:52] Marty: Marty, check you in a minute. I'm going to go talk to Sydney before class.
[0:20:58] Marty: All right.
[0:20:58] Marty: Tuck your boner away this time.
[0:21:02] Marty: I think he'd say that second to his friend. You'd probably say it more of like a stern way.
[0:21:11] Marty: Would you tuck your fucking boner away?
[0:21:14] Marty: Put it away, boys.
[0:21:15] Marty: Jesus Christ. Tug that thing into your belt.
[0:21:19] Marty: Okay.
[0:21:20] Marty: We have no idea what the fuck we're reading, so it's very hard for us to sometimes know the tone of where the dialogue should go. We're going in totally blind, reading this fucked up script. Okay?
[0:21:35] Marty: Sexy voice.
[0:21:36] Marty: Hey, Marty. Need to ask you something. This biology test is killing me. I was hoping we could study together. My parents are out of town this Friday, so I have the house to myself.
[0:21:46] Marty: And Marty hesitates, slightly out of nervousness. Yeah, sure, Cindy, I would love that. We can really plow deep into the books. What are we doing? Narrating here.
[0:21:59] Marty: As Marty makes that comment, a small kid with thick glasses walks by, smiles with a big grin on his face, turning back at Marty as if to say nice.
[0:22:10] Marty: Okay, great. I'll see you later. Back.
[0:22:14] Marty: And Marty speaks under his breath. Holy shit. What have I done.
[0:22:23] Marty: With the scroll? Hang on. Press this button.
[0:22:26] Marty: Why is that scroll so aggressive?
[0:22:31] Marty: Mouse, actually a thick mouse. It's a gaming mouse.
[0:22:36] Marty: Great.
[0:22:40] Marty: I use it for cool designs. Wait, go up.
[0:22:42] Marty: There's still two lines there. Oh, it's right there.
[0:22:45] Marty: Yeah.
[0:22:46] Marty: Chris walks back over to Marty. I couldn't help but over here. That display. That's it. Dude, she wants it.
[0:22:56] Marty: I don't know, man. I think she just wants to study.
[0:23:01] Marty: No one gives a fuck about studying, especially for biology. Fuck biology. You already know my stance on that subject. Trust me, dude, that's just girl code for making your seam and gloss to me back. I'm upset. Marty, what do you have to say on the matter? You didn't even spell semen right.
[0:23:47] Marty: Deadly as catch, like. You're a fucking idiot.
[0:23:55] Marty: There's no spell check on this.
[0:23:57] Marty: Just a note to listeners. Spell check can't fix retard because it's spelled correctly. It's just a complete wrong word, you idiot.
[0:24:10] Marty: The computer should know when I'm writing Semen what I mean by this point, I don't know why.
[0:24:15] Marty: All right, carry on.
[0:24:17] Marty: Okay. Marty. Jesus, man, I don't know if I'm ready for that.
[0:24:21] Marty: Oh, you're ready. You just need a trip to Rob's house for this one.
[0:24:27] Marty: Oh, yes, your lovely Uncle Rob, the perficume beam. And give me advice to a 16 year old about sex.
[0:24:33] Marty: You got a better option? And scene cuts to Marty with a thinking look on his face and reopens to him knocking on Robbic's door. Rob's door with Rob yelling, Come in. And Marty enters. Marty then enters Rob's home, only to find a woman walking out of his room, followed by Rob walking out in a Speedo wearing a Red Lobster bib and a very shiny mouth.
[0:25:03] Marty: Who is the uncle?
[0:25:05] Marty: Who's? Rob you? Was it B, I think like a gruff voice.
[0:25:10] Marty: Marty, Chris told me marty, Chris told me you needed some help.
[0:25:17] Marty: Like Batman kind of, yeah, I think I made that joke before.
[0:25:23] Marty: Murray, Chris told me you needed some help.
[0:25:25] Marty: Unfortunately, yes. Where's your intern, Jason? Jason your intern.
[0:25:34] Marty: Oh, yes. I have him on special mission for me today.
[0:25:39] Marty: Scene cuts to Jason standing in a dark, danky basement warehouse looking area, wearing.
[0:25:44] Marty: A leather april, wearing a leather apron.
[0:25:49] Marty: Holding a large pair of pliers, working on something, but the scene is cut.
[0:25:53] Marty: Off so you can't see it, but.
[0:25:55] Marty: It clearly looks like he is cutting up a body. As he puts the pliers in the bottom half of the frame, he exhales in disappointment. And you see him pull a black twelve inch dildo out of something. You don't know. What with the flyers? As a tear rolls down his eyes.
[0:26:14] Marty: So what's the deal?
[0:26:22] Marty: Batman voice is sick.
[0:26:24] Marty: She wants to do that.
[0:26:28] Marty: So this is this girl and she invited I can't read for sure.
[0:26:33] Marty: Invited me.
[0:26:34] Marty: She invited me. Would you fuck off?
[0:26:36] Marty: I'm trying to fix your words. You can't read your own shit because there's missing words. Anyways, carry on. Sorry. Let's keep going.
[0:26:46] Marty: Okay.
[0:26:47] Marty: Yeah. Notes are accepted for sure. This is a safe space. She invited me over this weekend when her parents are away.
[0:26:57] Marty: Say no more.
[0:26:59] Marty: Rob proceeds to get up and walks over to his cabinet and pulls out a bottle of pills.
[0:27:08] Marty: I think we should switch Merlot for Bordeaux.
[0:27:13] Marty: Bring your own wine. Preferably a nice Bordeaux. Pour the glass yourself and put two of these bad boys in there. She'll be bent over like a thirsty camel at a watering 20.
[0:27:29] Marty: You're saying it.
[0:27:34] Marty: I've been trying really hard not to read too far ahead. I really wish I did.
[0:27:39] Marty: I'm ahead because I'm not in that.
[0:27:40] Marty: It's hilarious.
[0:27:42] Marty: It's actually really fucked up. You'd say that.
[0:27:46] Marty: Sure. Is Marty line.
[0:27:52] Marty: Absolutely not. I'm trying to get her to like me, not commit a crime.
[0:27:56] Marty: Nice.
[0:27:56] Marty: Okay.
[0:27:57] Marty: Yeah. But it's a victimless crime. Like shaking an orphan baby.
[0:28:05] Marty: Clearly a victim. That is a clear victim.
[0:28:08] Marty: That's fucked. I don't know why I wrote that. I'm sorry.
[0:28:11] Marty: There's nothing wrong with fuck you.
[0:28:13] Marty: Read it.
[0:28:14] Marty: Keep going.
[0:28:16] Marty: I have no response to that comment. Just want some advice. You seem to have a lot of experience in this area. I just don't want to disappoint her.
[0:28:24] Marty: There's your first mistake. Too focused on her needs.
[0:28:27] Marty: I always orgasm when I have sex.
[0:28:32] Marty: I want her to enjoy it as much as I am.
[0:28:35] Marty: So, you're a fucking virgin.
[0:28:38] Marty: I'd lived.
[0:28:39] Marty: Yeah.
[0:28:40] Marty: It was good.
[0:28:40] Marty: Thank you. Yeah, you did great. Yes.
[0:28:45] Marty: You want me to pop your cherry? Little bitch? I'd be happy to put the expense. It's surprisingly affordable these days. Hello. I'll even join you. We can make an afternoon out of it.
[0:28:58] Marty: First off, I'm not gay. And at least I don't think so. But thank you for the offer.
[0:29:04] Marty: Nothing gay about a devil's dreasom.
[0:29:07] Marty: Sounds a little gay.
[0:29:09] Marty: You think I'm gay? Son, I could suck your dick right now and you'd be the only queer in the room.
[0:29:25] Marty: You're doing so good.
[0:29:35] Marty: I could be gay for a week.
[0:29:37] Marty: You made me very sad with that line. All right, Hill.
[0:29:41] Marty: I could be gay for a week. Wouldn't mean a thing.
[0:29:47] Marty: I'm going to pass on that. And I want my first time to be something more an underpaid hooker. I just have one question. Show where boxers are brief. Should I start from the top?
[0:29:57] Marty: Work my way down to it? Yeah. I'm really fucking voice acting here.
[0:30:02] Marty: You're just fucking blandly reading through it. Put some love into it.
[0:30:07] Marty: It's fucking marty. Yeah.
[0:30:09] Marty: Should I be shaved down there?
[0:30:11] Marty: Do I rub it in?
[0:30:13] Marty: Do I rub it before I put a finger in?
[0:30:17] Marty: You're a confused teenager.
[0:30:18] Marty: I don't hear a confused teenager.
[0:30:20] Marty: I'm working on it.
[0:30:21] Marty: 37 year old fuck boy.
[0:30:28] Marty: You're supposed to care. We know you don't care because you're broken. Marty cares. He hasn't had sex yet.
[0:30:38] Marty: He cares.
[0:30:38] Marty: Okay? I'm getting into it.
[0:30:39] Marty: Wants him to be special. He's nervous.
[0:30:41] Marty: Okay?
[0:30:41] Marty: He's nervous. This girl likes him. Put yourself in that mindset, okay?
[0:30:47] Marty: All right. Give me another chance here, guys. We'll go to the next one.
[0:30:49] Marty: You've never touched a vagina before, okay? Put yourself in that.
[0:30:53] Marty: Your balls haven't dropped yet either. They're tied up in you.
[0:31:02] Marty: Okay.
[0:31:10] Marty: And gesture me at worst. I'm sorry.
[0:31:15] Marty: This is the dumbest fucking thing.
[0:31:17] Marty: This is you, man.
[0:31:18] Marty: It's your dream. Make it come to life.
[0:31:20] Marty: I'm out of your voice. Shit. Out of there.
[0:31:22] Marty: I drove two goddamn hours to do this shit. Risk my life in a blizzard.
[0:31:29] Marty: Okay?
[0:31:29] Marty: The least you can do is act.
[0:31:30] Marty: I think this is the second blizzard we've had. This is fine.
[0:31:35] Marty: Okay. Sorry. It's Rob's line here. I'll get into it.
[0:31:40] Marty: Okay, slow down. Rule number one, always go fist before finger.
[0:31:47] Marty: I'm not saying that's terrible. You have to do it. You got to.
[0:31:53] Marty: This is what you signed up for.
[0:31:57] Marty: It gets better.
[0:31:58] Marty: Keep going.
[0:32:00] Marty: Don't reread.
[0:32:01] Marty: It just acting.
[0:32:01] Marty: I know. Just do it. It's hard to act without knowing the line of act. No, you got to do it.
[0:32:16] Marty: Number one, always go fist before fingers. As far as shaving, that's a generational thing. You kids these days are obsessed with the prepubescent look.
[0:32:28] Marty: That's hard to say.
[0:32:29] Marty: It sure is a prepubescent look. You need some wisdom down there. A couple of gray hairs. I like to grow my pubes out long. When I take a bath, my dick looks like fucking candles. Maybe one eyed Stephen Tyler Craig in a river. But you're really over.
[0:32:48] Marty: You're over.
[0:32:48] Marty: Overthinking this kid. Sex isn't something to be calculated for a proceeding.
[0:32:55] Marty: Good job.
[0:32:55] Marty: Yes. Great job. Great job. A few ad lib lines in there as well.
[0:33:00] Marty: Yeah, I wanted I wanted to work some, some Lord of the Ring shit in there because I'm a fan.
[0:33:05] Marty: That's fine.
[0:33:10] Marty: Okay.
[0:33:13] Marty: Rob proceeds to stand up and walk towards the window.
[0:33:18] Marty: You need to exude.
[0:33:23] Marty: Why is there no Marty? Die.
[0:33:33] Marty: More? Get ready. There's tons more.
[0:33:38] Marty: You got to do this.
[0:33:41] Marty: Move the table like we're in it too deep to turn back.
[0:33:44] Marty: You have to do this.
[0:33:52] Marty: I don't even know what's in there. I really don't.
[0:33:54] Marty: I don't remember any of this.
[0:33:56] Marty: You're doing good.
[0:33:57] Marty: You're doing great.
[0:34:06] Marty: And you do exude sexual energy. It must be learned through experience, and some people are just born with it.
[0:34:18] Marty: Rob looks at the window and sees a woman walking by wearing a skirt. He then thrusts his hips and says, Bam. Towards the woman on the street and her panties dropped to the floor. You got this long paragraph.
[0:34:39] Marty: I'm going to kill the next slide.
[0:34:40] Marty: You got this thing.
[0:34:42] Marty: No, it's not. This is a cartoon.
[0:34:46] Marty: Still illegal.
[0:34:47] Marty: No, it's a cartoon. If they're both 16, it's fine.
[0:34:51] Marty: This is Rob talking about a 16.
[0:34:52] Marty: I'm giving him advice. He is 16. Who's going to have sex with another 16 year old non pedophilia?
[0:35:00] Marty: He's helping them make it better.
[0:35:03] Marty: Someone's going to.
[0:35:03] Marty: I wish I had good wisdom like this when I was growing up. Me, too. I didn't start fisting until I was about 25.
[0:35:16] Marty: Actually very glad I didn't have any of this advice at 16.
[0:35:35] Marty: Go for it. A couple more lines.
[0:35:39] Marty: You're doing so good. Then you're done. Your scene is almost done. You got this.
[0:35:46] Marty: I really disagree. All right.
[0:35:48] Marty: It's not illegal.
[0:35:50] Marty: I think it is.
[0:35:52] Marty: I'm not an expert in the Ng 16. Probably not expecting much.
[0:35:59] Marty: That's actually probably true.
[0:36:00] Marty: Yeah, right?
[0:36:01] Marty: The most consistent thing she's had in there is a damp.
[0:36:05] Marty: You got it. Keep going. This is no different than, like, big mouth.
[0:36:10] Marty: They do crazy shit.
[0:36:12] Marty: Of course.
[0:36:13] Marty: You got this.
[0:36:17] Marty: I think there's a lot of probably 16 year old girls who would be very upset at that.
[0:36:26] Marty: Okay, skipped up.
[0:36:28] Marty: I'll try it if you want, but I think you're doing a great job.
[0:36:35] Marty: Just go to the next slide that.
[0:36:41] Marty: Happens to be but it's really fucked up. Okay, breeze for 1 second. I'm also getting a little higher right now, so I'm working through it. This is very sad. I don't know why. It's not really that funny.
[0:36:59] Marty: This is funny. Terrible advice. It's funny.
[0:37:05] Marty: No, this is really fucked up. Yes.
[0:37:09] Marty: Well, take that part out.
[0:37:10] Marty: All right, that's good. Otherwise, that's a bad thing that happens to people that is upsetting.
[0:37:17] Marty: But also, we can't go into it thinking about other people, because that's the problem with cartoons. Now we're saying stupid shit, and that's how it is.
[0:37:25] Marty: Yeah, right. Well, we're avoiding one of the worst fine jokes, but we'll carry on with the rest of the rave jokes.
[0:37:40] Marty: I'd say just buy yourself a pocket pussy, stick it in between your mattress, and go to town. Really focus on your thrust work and try to jerk off as much as you can, but make it last. Don't rush the process. Just do it often and make it natural. Laying in bed, jerk off. Taking a shit. Jerk off.
[0:38:08] Marty: You're off.
[0:38:10] Marty: You jerk off while you shit.
[0:38:14] Marty: I'm a modern man. I don't have time to do both tasks separately anymore. Just get yourself just get yourself something to practice on, and we'll feel more confident about it. I've got pussy stone into every room in this apartment you're sitting right now.
[0:38:35] Marty: So fucking evil. And crazy characters are really getting wild.
[0:38:41] Marty: Marty sits up from his seat and sees a pocket pussy sewed into the Coach cushion underneath him. Jesus. Always a pleasure, Rob. I will look into that.
[0:38:56] Marty: The same cuts Marty searching online for sex toys and scrolling through a bunch of different options and lands on an ad for the Madame Slam. $4,000 for only $999?
[0:39:08] Marty: I can't afford any of these. There's got to be another solution here.
[0:39:11] Marty: Marty begins to look around his room for things that he could potentially fuck. He first looks at his mattress and comforter, and his pillows grow eyes to look like it's a girl in doggy style position looking back at him. This is a mattress.
[0:39:28] Marty: It's cute all day. Yeah, she can have an accent.
[0:39:35] Marty: Where did it come from? Where was the mattress?
[0:39:38] Marty: Where are mattresses from?
[0:39:40] Marty: Sweden.
[0:39:42] Marty: I don't know Swedish accents. I'm from Sweden. You can do me, but just be gentle. It's my first time, and I'm tighter than a returning soldier hugging that child. That's fucking weird. He shakes his head in ears. Marty. Marty from the side of his room. He looks over to see the vacuum cleaner looking at him. The vacuum cleaner goes I know what you're thinking. Don't be shy. You see now I handle that rug. Time to turn me loose on that.
[0:40:13] Marty: Bird perch of yours called boners.
[0:40:16] Marty: Bird perches? Seen jumps to the outside of Marty's.
[0:40:20] Marty: Closed with the dog and shit. Even my dog as a girl needed to leave.
[0:40:29] Marty: Dean jumps to the outside of Marty's closed door with the vacuum cleaner sound on, and his mom walks up to the door and begins knocking on it. Marty's mom? Anyone?
[0:40:40] Marty: Yeah, you're pretty good at the girl stuff.
[0:40:43] Marty: I'll take this. I need to be something other than Uncle Rob. All right. Marty, can I get in here?
[0:40:51] Marty: I need the vacuum cleaner bag Schnacks again.
[0:40:55] Marty: Marty.
[0:40:56] Marty: She opens the door to find Marty with his dick in the vacuum.
[0:41:01] Marty: Oh, my God. Marty, what are you doing?
[0:41:04] Marty: Nothing, mom. Just cleaning.
[0:41:05] Marty: Get out.
[0:41:06] Marty: Scene cuts to Marty sitting at the kitchen table with his mom and dad across from him and the vacuum cleaner on the table. Marty's? Dad, I know this is a confusing time for you. I get it. I've stuck my fork into a few light sockets myself.
[0:41:26] Marty: It's one thing to explore your body. You are a ground life changes happening. But it's another thing if you're destroying my appliances. I love that vacuum.
[0:41:37] Marty: I'm sorry, mom. I'm sorry.
[0:41:40] Marty: Just go to your room and let us never talk about this again.
[0:41:44] Marty: Finishing jumps to Chris walking up to Marty's house and sees the vacuum cleaner on the front lawn with the garbage. He then knocks on the door.
[0:41:54] Marty: Amos martyan.
[0:42:01] Marty: Look on her face.
[0:42:05] Marty: Yes, chris he's in his room.
[0:42:07] Marty: I'd knock first. After what I just saw? What's up with your mom, dude? She looks more frazzled than normal.
[0:42:15] Marty: That's a long story, man. I'd rather not get into that. I saw your uncle, though.
[0:42:20] Marty: Yeah, he told me. Dude, based on what? He said you wait, hang on.
[0:42:25] Marty: I don't like that either. A lot of focus on date rape. I don't like it. Now rereading it.
[0:42:33] Marty: He told me. Based on what he said, you probably should have just I'm not into it.
[0:42:38] Marty: I got to say, I'm not into it either. Years ago, man. Years ago. What is wrong with your entire family? No, I think I figured it out. I just need one of these sex bots.
[0:42:51] Marty: The Madam Slam 4000. Not just a fuck.
[0:42:55] Marty: Wait.
[0:42:56] Marty: Oh, I'm reading. The Madam slam. $4,000. Not just a fuck. A fully automated, jizz shattering sex experience. Damn, dude, that thing sounds legit.
[0:43:09] Marty: Yeah, it's perfect. It's almost $1,000, though. I don't have that kind of cash.
[0:43:15] Marty: Here, use my mom's new boyfriend's credit card. I swiped it from him last month.
[0:43:20] Marty: Seriously? Thanks, man. Yeah, let's do that. Sure he's not going to notice?
[0:43:29] Marty: Definitely not. He's one six out of a bitch. Been ordering prolapsed porn subscriptions online and he hasn't said what even is that even a thing?
[0:43:42] Marty: That is a thing.
[0:43:42] Marty: Like people's buttholes hanging.
[0:43:44] Marty: It's fun.
[0:43:46] Marty: Their bodies like their buttholes hang out because they've had too big of dildos in there. What I was into.
[0:43:57] Marty: And also like they should get help.
[0:44:00] Marty: It definitely looks like they need to seek medical attention. Yeah, but there is a market.
[0:44:05] Marty: Don't worry. Should fucking help.
[0:44:08] Marty: There is a market for it.
[0:44:10] Marty: Why?
[0:44:12] Marty: I don't know. It's not for me. It's more for Chris.
[0:44:16] Marty: Yeah.
[0:44:16] Marty: Why is he 16 and buying subscriptions to that?
[0:44:19] Marty: I have no idea. Probably doesn't work, does it?
[0:44:22] Marty: You should probably talk to us before you write these.
[0:44:24] Marty: Yeah, well, I think you should talk to a professional.
[0:44:32] Marty: We're almost halfway. We can do this.
[0:44:34] Marty: Yeah.
[0:44:46] Marty: 40%. We're almost done.
[0:44:49] Marty: And then we have one more to go.
[0:44:52] Marty: We're almost done.
[0:44:53] Marty: Okay.
[0:44:53] Marty: Keep going, boys.
[0:44:55] Marty: Marty skin tone. Yeah. Let's keep it tan, keep it neutral. They're choosing their features on the sex spot.
[0:45:08] Marty: Breast size. The Double T puffy pancakes. Looks pretty nice.
[0:45:12] Marty: Yeah.
[0:45:13] Marty: Okay.
[0:45:13] Marty: That's that's pretty sweet. Okay, vagiles. We got flapping, hound, dolphin blow. I'm just going to go with the Winking Geisha. Seems like a nice option.
[0:45:30] Marty: You're up.
[0:45:33] Marty: Sorry. Now, the anus Bleach sunrise or leather couch? Let's go with the Bleach sunrise.
[0:45:44] Marty: I don't want to borrow that thing when you're done.
[0:45:51] Marty: 1499 for the lifetime butthole warranty.
[0:45:57] Marty: They run a tough bargain. Yeah, I don't see why not. That's a hell of a deal.
[0:46:03] Marty: Okay. Ordered same day delivery, too.
[0:46:06] Marty: Isn't the Internet just the best where you can find great podcast content? Like this.
[0:46:15] Marty: Robot rides at his door, where he grabs the box and brings it.
[0:46:19] Marty: Same day. What a manufacturing marvel that is. Like, next day custom.
[0:46:31] Marty: Vagina and bundle options.
[0:46:33] Marty: Totally customizable.
[0:46:35] Marty: Awesome. He drags upstairs and pulls it out of the box.
[0:46:44] Marty: Finish scene.
[0:46:46] Marty: Wow. You look incredible.
[0:46:48] Marty: Marty pulls out the instruction sheet, says, step one, flick the nipple on your Madame Slam 4000. So Marty flicks it and the robot opens its eyes and makes a nice little jingle. Like when you turn on your MacBook.
[0:47:04] Marty: Who's going to be the next bot?
[0:47:07] Marty: Hello, Daddy. What is your name?
[0:47:10] Marty: Marty.
[0:47:12] Marty: Marty, are you ready for endless pleasure?
[0:47:17] Marty: Yes, ma'am.
[0:47:18] Marty: Sex bot, please select your mode of pleasure. Marty looks at the side of the robot and sees a dial and begins reading the instructions.
[0:47:31] Marty: Titty Blaster. Mouth mayhem. Pelican Bird.
[0:47:36] Marty: As he's scrolling, he sees one with a warning sticker beside it that reads Anal. What is that?
[0:47:43] Marty: Kumate.
[0:47:44] Marty: Can you explain that, please?
[0:47:45] Marty: Kumate is a fight to the death.
[0:47:47] Marty: Okay, I guess not.
[0:47:56] Marty: It's an ancient Japanese tradition.
[0:47:58] Marty: Okay.
[0:47:59] Marty: Two men enter and one man leaves.
[0:48:03] Marty: Solid Van Dam movie, too.
[0:48:04] Marty: Yeah. You're up. Well, this is why you buy the lifetime warranty, I suppose.
[0:48:13] Marty: Marty then sets it to Anal Kumate. You have selected Anal Kumate. Are you sure you wish to proceed with this mode. I wouldn't want to hurt you.
[0:48:39] Marty: Marty, you're up.
[0:48:44] Marty: I think it's going to hurt me to not try this mode. Plus lifetime but warranty. Might as well give this give this one hell.
[0:49:06] Marty: I am here to obey your orders, Marty. I would never want to hurt you. Anal kumate mode engaged.
[0:49:18] Marty: Fucking on, boyfrix. Great.
[0:49:32] Marty: Music begins playing.
[0:49:36] Marty: Cindy.
[0:49:37] Marty: Oh, no one hit her. When I'm done with you, it's time to get to work.
[0:49:42] Marty: Scene goes into a montage. Marty trying every position. Gang, sweaty, grinning his teeth, biting his lips. Looking satisfied. Pushing himself to the limit. Push it to the limit.
[0:49:59] Marty: Different positions like fighter cast games flying through every once in a while. American flag waving for sure. That's great.
[0:50:13] Marty: His phone rings and Chris is on the screen.
[0:50:16] Marty: So, how's it going?
[0:50:17] Marty: Can't talk right now. We have eight more hours before school starts, so I got a lot of work to put in here.
[0:50:23] Marty: And the montage continues. Finished scene. Marty spends the entire night banging the sex robot. Having one amazing time. So much so that the bot starts drooling from the mouth. But after 16 hours, he becomes incredibly tired. Marty's mom then knocks on the door.
[0:50:41] Marty: So, double montage for so, how's it going?
[0:50:55] Marty: It's going good. Just to illustrate.
[0:51:07] Marty: That'S just good writing.
[0:51:09] Marty: I mean, it's it's fucking groundbreaking.
[0:51:14] Marty: It's a known fact nostalgic.
[0:51:20] Marty: For four years of film school. Dad spend good money there. Back to back montage. This is what you get.
[0:51:30] Marty: We can do another montage.
[0:51:32] Marty: And then Marty's mom now knocks on his door and says.
[0:51:40] Marty: 1 second. We lost the color coding.
[0:51:44] Marty: There's no consistency here.
[0:51:48] Marty: Marty, it's time for school.
[0:51:49] Marty: Get up.
[0:51:51] Marty: Okay, mom feel.
[0:51:53] Marty: That was a solid looks of the clock. Wow. 16 hours. Okay, I think that's enough for now. I'm going to power down the Madame Slam.
[0:52:02] Marty: No, Marty, I want more. Give me more.
[0:52:11] Marty: Marty, is there someone in there with you?
[0:52:14] Marty: No, mom, just a TV. Stop. My mom's going to hear you.
[0:52:19] Marty: No, Marty, I want more in my butt.
[0:52:27] Marty: I didn't hear the indifferent tone.
[0:52:40] Marty: In different tone.
[0:52:42] Marty: Marty, are you okay? All right, I am coming in.
[0:52:47] Marty: Cena cuts to his mom outside of his door with a weird look on her face. About to open his door as she fears frantic moving as she hears frantic moving in the room. Hardy's mom speaking to herself.
[0:53:01] Marty: For the love of God, please have your dick away.
[0:53:05] Marty: Here's a sex mom.
[0:53:07] Marty: Hardy's mom opens the door and sees that everything is normal.
[0:53:12] Marty: What happened to the sex spot?
[0:53:14] Marty: It's obviously hidden.
[0:53:15] Marty: Yeah, it's put somewhere crazy.
[0:53:20] Marty: Time to get up, kid. Sorry, I fucked up the voice.
[0:53:24] Marty: No, you're doing great.
[0:53:25] Marty: Time to get up, kid. What's that smell? It kind of smells like sweaty burnt rubber.
[0:53:31] Marty: Yeah, it's weird. I smell it, too. I left my window open. I think the someone spun their tires out. Mom I don't feel so good.
[0:53:42] Marty: Oh, my gosh. Yes. You look terrible. Look how spitty you are. Do you have a fever?
[0:53:51] Marty: Yeah, I think so. I don't think I can make it to school today.
[0:53:55] Marty: Marty's mom walks over and touches his forehead.
[0:54:00] Marty: You're burning up. That's fine. You stay home and rest today. Remember, I have to work late tonight, so Chad would be bringing up dinner.
[0:54:13] Marty: Okay, mom.
[0:54:14] Marty: Marty's mom leaves her room.
[0:54:16] Marty: That was a close one.
[0:54:18] Marty: Okay, boys, officially over halfway.
[0:54:21] Marty: I don't know how much work is I can take.
[0:54:24] Marty: We're over the halfway mark. Marty walks over to his closet and opens the door and finds the Sex Bot bent over in a doggy style position. Sex Bot? Is it time for more? In different voices, it's hard to do a Sex Bot, but in different voices I'm just going to have the one.
[0:54:41] Marty: Voice, just one sex.
[0:54:44] Marty: It's very hard to do. Is it time for more but stuff? I guess the Sex Bot is requesting yeah.
[0:55:02] Marty: What is wrong with you? That's it for me. I got nothing left right now.
[0:55:06] Marty: Marty, to not continue would cause you pain.
[0:55:13] Marty: Where is the off switch on this thing?
[0:55:17] Marty: I am disappointed in you, Marty. This is a kumate. The Sex Bot's eyes begin to glow red and she begins vibrating heavily. In a panic, Marty looks for the instructions to find a call in number.
[0:55:40] Marty: Who's going to be the service guy?
[0:55:51] Marty: I guess, yeah.
[0:55:52] Marty: Give you a good service guy.
[0:55:54] Marty: Thank you for calling Bearded Clams Incorporated. Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line and wait for the first available agent.
[0:56:05] Marty: Service guy.
[0:56:06] Marty: Hello. My name is Steve.
[0:56:09] Marty: I did that so wrong.
[0:56:10] Marty: Yeah, you did.
[0:56:15] Marty: He's supposed to be Indian guy.
[0:56:17] Marty: The Indian guy is saying, hello, my name is Steve. I think that was the joke. Yeah, sorry, I fucked it up.
[0:56:26] Marty: Yeah. I'm having issues on my damn Slam 4000 model.
[0:56:31] Marty: You have to do the accent, sir.
[0:56:34] Marty: I'm very sorry to hear that. How can I help you assist this problem today?
[0:56:40] Marty: After about 16 hours okay, no, probably not.
[0:56:45] Marty: We did German.
[0:56:47] Marty: We did German.
[0:56:49] Marty: Australian? I don't know. I don't know. If people have a problem, tell me.
[0:56:59] Marty: How it's how it's not okay, like.
[0:57:02] Marty: We'Re doing all the accents here. Like we love accents.
[0:57:05] Marty: That's a good point. Yeah.
[0:57:06] Marty: I don't fuck, you know?
[0:57:07] Marty: That's fair.
[0:57:10] Marty: We'll have.
[0:57:14] Marty: I don't know.
[0:57:15] Marty: Well, after about 16 hours, the bot has seemed to be acting very angry and demanding. I can't seem to turn it off in the background.
[0:57:26] Marty: You have 1 minute to stick that butter tart in my butt.
[0:57:32] Marty: That's the sex bot thing.
[0:57:34] Marty: Why is that an italic.
[0:57:41] Marty: In my butt?
[0:57:46] Marty: It just keeps begging me to give it more. In the butt?
[0:57:50] Marty: Yes, sir.
[0:57:51] Marty: You need to try a hard reset on your unit.
[0:57:55] Marty: Okay. How do I do that?
[0:57:57] Marty: If your Madame Slam is doing something, you don't like you just simply slap it around the face or it will reset the system.
[0:58:06] Marty: Marty tries to slap it across the face in the second butt. Yes, Marty, do it again, but this time in the butt.
[0:58:22] Marty: It didn't work.
[0:58:24] Marty: Are you using an open palm or backhand?
[0:58:26] Marty: Sir?
[0:58:35] Marty: Open palm.
[0:58:36] Marty: Okay sir, you'll now try backhand.
[0:58:49] Marty: Marty tries a backhanded slap, but the robot puts its head down and the lights turn off for a brief second. Then turns head back on and its eyes are glowing red. The sex spot says I must obey orders in the butt. Keep going.
[0:59:17] Marty: This is you. You guys know this is your shit. You have to lead it. Let's go. Fuck.
[0:59:24] Marty: For a second it just looks angrier. What kind of skydive bullshit is this? What are you guys making me? What are you guys making over there?
[0:59:32] Marty: Let me ask you, sir, what mode.
[0:59:34] Marty: Do you have it set to anal? Kumate.
[0:59:37] Marty: How long has it been left in this mode?
[0:59:42] Marty: 37 loads.
[0:59:44] Marty: Are you cleaning your unit, sir?
[0:59:50] Marty: I don't want to read this either.
[0:59:54] Marty: We're doing accent. You can just read more. Yeah, you're not even doing any of the voice acting like fuck even know we're reading all the voice acting.
[1:00:07] Marty: No, it just kept saying leave it in. No, it just kept saying leave it in. I'm starting a homeless soup kitchen. It sounded hot at the time.
[1:00:22] Marty: Or backdoor entry has a tendency of bypassing normal encryption in the bots computing system. We also recommend cleaning it after every use as per the instructions. I suspect the buildup of Siemen has caused a ruptured in the unit. Just try to open up the inner flaps and see if you can clean it out.
[1:00:44] Marty: Marty tries to open the butt flaps, but it has been completely sealed shut.
[1:00:49] Marty: I can't. It gets glued shut.
[1:00:55] Marty: I must protect myself. Marty, you need it in my butt or it will cause you harm. The robot slaps Marty in the face.
[1:01:05] Marty: You're the surface guy.
[1:01:06] Marty: Tell me sir, what was your unit drooling? Was your unit drooling at the mouth?
[1:01:11] Marty: Yes.
[1:01:12] Marty: Okay, sir, that was a semen build up. And based on the amount of time you have spent doing this, your hammered cooking has completely dried. It shot.
[1:01:22] Marty: Jesus Christ.
[1:01:24] Marty: Yes, sir. It seems you have activated a paradox.
[1:01:28] Marty: With its reasoning system.
[1:01:31] Marty: And the overbuild of Semen has completely fried its principal laws. I would suggest doing exactly what it says until we can have tech support come out.
[1:01:40] Marty: Does that follow computer logic?
[1:01:42] Marty: No, it doesn't. Not even close.
[1:01:49] Marty: They have been known to become very violent when you enter this state. You will need to continue the stimulated anal until we send out support.
[1:02:00] Marty: How long is that going to take?
[1:02:02] Marty: About twelve to 18 hours, I'm assuming. But I am putting in the request right now.
[1:02:07] Marty: You got to be kidding me. How the hell am I going to.
[1:02:09] Marty: Last after what I just did.
[1:02:11] Marty: I would suggest digging deep, sir. This is imperative for your survival.
[1:02:15] Marty: Fucking digging.
[1:02:16] Marty: Sir, after this phone call, would you.
[1:02:20] Marty: Mind taking a brief five minute survey? Then Marty hangs up the phone and then music starts playing. Evanescence bring me to life. He jumps to a montage with Marty just slamming the sex bot and crying.
[1:02:43] Marty: In all different positions.
[1:02:48] Marty: While he's lying on his back with his head bobbing as if the sex bot is on top and you just see a tear run down his eye. There's a scene where Marty has to take a shit, so he pulls his garbage to him and puts it behind his butt.
[1:03:06] Marty: All doing dogs. The sex bot dialogue in there.
[1:03:13] Marty: Don't waste that. Marty pour it on my chest.
[1:03:19] Marty: Marty keeps crying.
[1:03:21] Marty: Cindy text Marty saying I hope you're feeling better, can't wait to see you Friday night. But Marty keeps crying. That was really fun. That got me like I'm doing good.
[1:03:39] Marty: That put me over the edge, but I had to keep fucking throwback. You are sick. Buck.
[1:04:12] Marty: Rings and he picks up to Chris.
[1:04:16] Marty: Hang on, dude, it's my glass.
[1:04:19] Marty: Dude, I can't anymore.
[1:04:20] Marty: Now.
[1:04:20] Marty: It's in different font, it's in a different style. That's okay, we can roll.
[1:04:26] Marty: Very adaptable humans here.
[1:04:28] Marty: We're almost done, boys.
[1:04:29] Marty: Marty, what's happening? Are you okay?
[1:04:33] Marty: All you can hear is slamming. And Marty starts crying over the phone. Scene cuts back to Chris.
[1:04:40] Marty: Marty, I'm coming over right now.
[1:04:42] Marty: Chris hangs up the phone and in a hurried state leaves his house. Marty's dad then comes home and walks in the front door. Marty's dad, marty, I'm home. Marty's dad hears banging noises coming from upstairs and begins to walk up the stairs, getting closer to Marty's room. Dad approaches the door and hears Marty crying with the robot saying yes in the butt. Marty's dad what the hell is going on in here? Marty looks at his dad with a face full of tears.
[1:05:13] Marty: I can't stop, dad. The robot's so fried with coming. It's going to hurt me and if I don't stop.
[1:05:20] Marty: I heard about this in our last PTA meeting. Marty, this is important. Did you call sex support.
[1:05:29] Marty: Kids addicted.
[1:05:30] Marty: To sex bots, obviously with butthole settings.
[1:05:38] Marty: In the Ptav in tears? Yes.
[1:05:43] Marty: Okay, just hang tight, son. I'm going to get you some electrolytes. Just keep going, it will all be over soon. Tech support arrives to the door and knocks and dad answers. You have to do this. I can't do all of them.
[1:06:01] Marty: We got a call about a violent overflowing sex bot.
[1:06:04] Marty: Yes, that's my son. Just this way, gentlemen. Chris walks up to the chris walks up to the door from the street. Marty's dad chris, I'm assuming you know what's going on.
[1:06:17] Marty: Oh yeah, and I'm not missing this scene.
[1:06:22] Marty: How's this holding up?
[1:06:24] Marty: Not great. He's been pushing rope since I got home. I think his tears are the only thing keeping him from Blistering at this point. Well, tears make the best loop. Everyone knows that. You've never tried tear loop?
[1:06:41] Marty: No.
[1:06:44] Marty: Marty's dad then opens door with tech support. It's over, son. It'll all be over soon. Finish scene.
[1:06:54] Marty: Well, sir, we located the problem. There's so much comodge in the anus compartment, it fried the system. Just completely blown the hell up. Good news is, your extended warranty does cover the butthole.
[1:07:10] Marty: Warranty on the butthole does cover this. Good thing the warranty covered it. 1499. Well spent.
[1:07:20] Marty: So for $14, a team of two guys comes your house and cleans the gist out of your sucks robot.
[1:07:29] Marty: They were there in 12 hours. That's fucking great.
[1:07:32] Marty: Certainly worth $14.
[1:07:34] Marty: You're there in 12 hours.
[1:07:38] Marty: Okay, keep going.
[1:07:39] Marty: You're right about in the middle there.
[1:07:43] Marty: So we cleaned it out, swapped in a new one for you there.
[1:07:48] Marty: She's good to go. I'm not going to tell you how.
[1:07:50] Marty: To live your life, but there are other holes on the unit, son. Sure. Get that disgusting thing out of here. I don't want it in my house.
[1:08:05] Marty: In a silent, discrete voice. I don't know how to do silent and discrete. All in the same voice, like a whisper.
[1:08:12] Marty: You'd call that a whisper?
[1:08:14] Marty: Yeah.
[1:08:14] Marty: Okay.
[1:08:16] Marty: Leave it at the curb next to him.
[1:08:22] Marty: Okay.
[1:08:23] Marty: You're up again there?
[1:08:24] Marty: Yeah, okay.
[1:08:26] Marty: Fucking asshole didn't leave his phone out.
[1:08:28] Marty: Well, I got the buzzer going. I sure have. Having sex with robots is super fucked.
[1:08:34] Marty: Up already is, dad. I think we leave your mother out of this one, son.
[1:08:41] Marty: Thanks, dad.
[1:08:43] Marty: You better get a move on, Marty. Time to get to Cynthia's house.
[1:08:48] Marty: Scene opens to Marty knocking on. He now has to go to his girlfriend's house to study and try to have sex with her.
[1:08:56] Marty: After.
[1:08:56] Marty: He's all clinging, dad feeding him electrolytes Gatorades. He can't stop banging. The sexual bot will kill him, and.
[1:09:08] Marty: He'S shooting in his garbage cans.
[1:09:10] Marty: There's service guys cleaning and disabling the robot. He now has to get ready for.
[1:09:17] Marty: His study date because he can't reschedule the study date.
[1:09:24] Marty: Well, he already told her they couldn't study because he was sick. So he has to now show up for this?
[1:09:28] Marty: Yeah, he has to.
[1:09:30] Marty: Glad you're feeling better. He's at Cindy's door. Oh, hey, Marty. Come on in. I'm just finishing that new Toy Story movie. I'm really not sure how I feel about it. I thought it was good. For the record, I liked it. I watched it. It was two months ago. It was awesome.
[1:09:49] Marty: I also thought it was a good movie.
[1:09:50] Marty: Yeah, it was great.
[1:09:51] Marty: Well, I make it really fucked up here.
[1:09:58] Marty: Marty walks in to see the TV playing a scene in the movie. TV shows Woody being held with a smile on in some person's hand. You don't see the person holding him, just the hand gripping him. And all you hear is a slapping noise, like someone is jerking off a scene cuts to Buzz talking with Bo Peep.
[1:10:22] Marty: You have to do something, Buzz.
[1:10:27] Marty: Now there's nothing I can do. Just look away. It's almost over. Scene cuts back to Woody being held by this hand, and the hand starts rubbing Woody's with his thumb. Then he was near the guy holding Woody come and sigh and relieve and put Woody back on the dresser and walk out of the room seen. Then cuts to Woody's face with a small tear coming out of his eyes. He cuts back to Buzz Lightyear saluting with a horrified look on his face. To infinity and beyond. God damn it. You probably can get sued for that anyway.
[1:11:07] Marty: Big Star is not going to let that shit go down.
[1:11:11] Marty: Parity Law.
[1:11:12] Marty: Okay now. The Toy Story is over. We're back to them in their room.
[1:11:17] Marty: I didn't even know who switched.
[1:11:22] Marty: Good writing, boys.
[1:11:23] Marty: Now she knows about the robot.
[1:11:25] Marty: She does not.
[1:11:26] Marty: Why is she saying, I always hate these robot reboots? God damn it. I always hate these reboots. So, Marty, are you ready to study? Cindy drops her pencil behind her Oops scene and bends over to pick up the pencil facing her butt towards Marty. As it happens, Marty enters a fantasy state, and Sinny looks back at him, saying, I want you, Marty. Give it to me in the butt. Zooms to Marty's face.
[1:11:57] Marty: He says, oh, no.
[1:11:59] Marty: And then it ends. We did it, guys. We did. Episode four.
[1:12:07] Marty: Notes.
[1:12:09] Marty: I mean, as usual, I regret this.
[1:12:14] Marty: It was pretty good. It had its moments, for sure. He's trying to get ready for the date the sex robot took over. There's a lot of long paragraphs of accents for both of us. That's very hard to do, challenging the service guy accent.
[1:12:36] Marty: You honestly killed him with the service guy. And the sex robot was unreal.
[1:12:41] Marty: You did.
[1:12:42] Marty: So. Thank you, Uncle Rob.
[1:12:44] Marty: Long dialogue. Great.
[1:12:46] Marty: My throat kind of hurts from them.
[1:12:49] Marty: Like you just make a script out of the blue. That was good.
[1:12:58] Marty: How this comes to your head, the.
[1:13:01] Marty: Question is, will it ever become a real cartoon that people watch?
[1:13:05] Marty: Hardly. Fucking open up, maybe.
[1:13:10] Marty: Either way, this is a cartoon bong fucking a sex robot to the death and having to shit into a bucket because he can't stop fucking. And his dad, who's also a bong, but bigger, and then pouring gatorade in his mouth so he can keep fucking the robot.
[1:13:26] Marty: And then service guys come and take.
[1:13:29] Marty: The robot away, clean the jizz out of his butthole because he has a butthole warranty, and then take it away, and then he goes on a date with a human girl.
[1:13:40] Marty: I feel like we missed the climax. There was, like, two lines of dialogue of him on his actual date with Cindy.
[1:13:48] Marty: Well, the date is all kind of, like, up to your imagination now. They're in there. They're going to study. She drop the pencil. We don't know what's going to happen.
[1:13:56] Marty: I know Merch is got a little PTSD.
[1:13:59] Marty: There's a whole other story here of like, did they bang? Are they studying? Is he affected? He's obviously very tired. Dick. There's no way he can have sex with her.
[1:14:10] Marty: Absolutely not. He needs more electrolytes.
[1:14:19] Marty: All right, well, yeah.
[1:14:22] Marty: That was fucked up.
[1:14:23] Marty: I'm sorry, guys.
[1:14:25] Marty: We're in it, man. We're trying to bring this to life. We hope if anyone does listen to this, that they hopefully like it.
[1:14:39] Marty: I disagree with a lot of the things I was forced to say.
[1:14:43] Marty: It just gets worse on the next one.
[1:14:47] Marty: At least I was drugged. I don't know.
[1:14:53] Marty: We're trying to introduce our new girlfriends.
[1:14:55] Marty: To this, and if you're making I can't let anyone listen to there's no way. There's just no way.
[1:15:01] Marty: How was it? I can't even answer.
[1:15:05] Marty: We're going to have to pretend this Sunday never happens.
[1:15:08] Marty: It's a weird hobby. I don't want you to feel back. This is great. It's amazing you could understand how some girls might find this fucking weird.
[1:15:24] Marty: I think most normal people should find this weird.
[1:15:28] Marty: I would say so, yeah.
[1:15:29] Marty: If it does become a cartoon, it's going to be funny.
[1:15:40] Marty: Where do we go from here?
[1:15:41] Marty: Stay tuned for episode five, folks, because we are going to do it after a quick break.
[1:15:47] Marty: Yeah, I could use a brain word.
[1:15:50] Marty: From our sponsors of Big Titties.
[1:15:52] Marty: Big Titty rum. Big titty nutrum.